Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Vaginal Odometer Invented: How many miles has this organ been travelled

The False-News Agency announced the invention of the Vaginal Odometer, a device for those jealous husbands or boyfriends that want to protect their women's chastity.

The device is very small, under 0.1 inch diameter, and it is injected subcutaneously in the female pubis skin. It has a pressure sensor, activated by rhythmic pressure of the pubis against any firm object. The count is kept in a microchip powered by a small battery which lasts 2 years. Radio waves emitted by the chip write to a digital master counter and tell the number of times the device detected sexual-like activity. It keeps track of time, duration and intensity.

There is a master counter that detects the radio frequency emitted by the odometer. It must be located very close to the odometer and it has an USB plug that can be attached to any PC. The data are in Excel format and password.-protected.

The Vaginal Odometer comes in 3 versions: Light, with 128 mb of memory; Medium, with 256 mb and Hard, with 2 giga.

Sexual activity is measured in miles, as in motor vehicles. The average married couple produces 10 pushes per encounter. Each push equals 6 inches, more (hopefully) or less. Thus, in a year with one weekly encounter, the odometer will record 0.1 mile. The inventor said that 128 mb of memory will be more than enough for this distance.

However, boyfriends and lovers travel much longer, about 2 miles per year. The Medium and Hard models are strongly recommended here.

Horse-back riding is the only known activity that could trigger the odometer in a sexual-like manner.

Several Arab countries are interested in licensing the device.

Feminist groups are already trying to figure out how to cheat the device, and trying to adapt it for male use.

Not all women are enemies of the Odometer. A few early adopters are working towards an entry in the Guinness Book of Records.

The vaginal odometer still does not have the ability to identify the person responsible for the pubic pressure. The inventors are currently working on that.

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