Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Amazing new drug: Retrotimine, the substance that makes time go back

A group of researchers in Almagro University discovered a new drug that forces time back. It exploits a little-known property of astronomic black holes, that force light into higher-than light speeds, which in turn make time loop back on itself. Small black holes crushed and suspended in an special titanium ointment can be used as cream or ingested.

Prof. Thomas Nuttymer named the new product "retrotimine", and started to deliver small samples to colleagues and the press.

Doctors expected that Retrotimine could be used to force time back a few minutes and revert the effect of accidents. Thus, it would be used to repair broken bones, bullet wounds and other injuries. However, women rushed to get the samples and applied the substance to their face wrinkles. Instead of minutes, the goal was to go back years or even decades.

In the riot that followed the first successful experiments, Prof. Thomas Nuttymer broke a jar of Retrotimine while he was handling it and went back in time to the minute before he conceived the surprising substance.

Then, his helper applied some more retrotimine, expecting to go back to the moment before the accident, but instead, Prof. Nuttymer went back to childhood, as shown in the photo.

If and when he grows back to a healthy adult, he might learn again how to make retrotimine. Then, the world will enjoy its most innovative and useful creation since penicillin. If not, we will keep aging as always.

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