Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Guinness Book of Useful Records

The existing Guinness Record Book deserves the "Guinness Record for a Stupid Enterprise". After competing with the Guinness records for most body piercings, for serving the largest bowl of pasta, for eating the most roaches in a minute, for Longest Hair, and similar ones included in the aforementioned book.

Thus, the Guinness Book of Useful Records was launched today at this web server.

Differently from the current Guinness, which records from Non-useful to Incredibly Silly, with Meaningless, Nonsensical and Plain Stupid in the middle, the Useful Records Book will keep track of significant achievements in significan fields of the Human activity.

Any useful activity in an extreme degree will be named in the Guinness replacement. Schindler for instance, could be included for his list of saved people. Or Einstein, for his Most Significant Math Theory. Or Che Guevara, for his Most Crazy Libertarian Adventure. Or Nobel, for the Largest Contribution to Sensible Human Competitiveness. You name it.

Because the Guinness nameholders will probably follow suit, the Useful Records will be called something else. My last name (Samoilovich) is to long and difficult to serve this purpose, and will certainly lead the project to oblivion after a few twisted-tongue complaints. Let's call it Delaney, as a tribute to Groucho Marx, who used that name referring to anyone whose name wanted to avoid.

And Groucho deserves to be named for the "Most Jokes about Most Life Issues with Less Effort" or something like that. Groucho ennounced a famous paradox: "I would not be a member of a club that would accept people like me as a member". Likewise, the Guinness should have an entry for the "Most Stupid Human Enterprise Ever". However, this would make the book a little less stupid. Then, it should not be the most stupid... This is a nice paradox, also.

Because Delaney's will not be a book, which will be expensive to produce and slow to update, we will call it the Delaney WebSite of Useful Records.

So, the Guinness Book of Useful Records was not launched today, to honour the title of this false-news website. Instead, the "Delaney WebSite of Useful Records" could be formally launched soon, but...

We need some money to seriously launch this project. A competition for the largest monetary contribution to myself, author of this useful proposal, is formally open. The winner will be mentioned in the future "Delaney Site of Useful Records".

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