Phony News - Credible but False News

Chilean Miner Safer Underground than at home

2010-09-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

To Yonni Barrios, 50, fame came in a bad time. Working in a gold and cupper mine in Temuco, Chile, provided him with the perfect excuse to arrive home a few hours or a few days late. So, he had a wife and a mistress that did not know about each other.

On August 5, 2010, the colapse of the mine put him and 32 mates under 700 meters of solid earth, in a small chamber with scarce resources. After 17 days, the rescue team managed to make contact with all 33 survivors. Their names and faces were all over the national and international media, and the two wives learnt about his missing loved one. The relatives were called to the surface of the disaster point, and then they met and learnt about Yonni's bigammy condition.

The reporter says Yonni wanted the earth to swallow him...

Freedom Ship: Abortion, Drugs, Sex Change and Euthanasia

2010-07-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

There is already a ship chartered by pro-choice activists that offers abortion pills to women where abortion is illegal. They simply take the woman to international waters, and the Dutch-flagged ship allows doctors to terminate unwanted pregnancies. The organization is Women on Waves, and so far have visited Ireland, Portugal and other European ports.

This is such an interesting project, that I am willing to expand it into other activities that are illegal in most countries, but legal in the Netherlands. And mostly, bringing the ship to Latin America, where abortion is largely illegal.

The ship would have several sections, in addition to Abortions: Pot Smoking, Same Sex Marriages, Euthanasia, Sex Change Surgery, Gambling and delivery of babies with Dutch nationality.

The cost of those activities will be very low for citizens of restricted countries, because they will only need to board the ship for a few miles.

The captain of the ship will act as non-denominational Priest to marry couples and administer last sacraments to euthanasia adopters. He will also be Birth Godfather, and we will try to convince him into pouring drinks (for Arab countries where alcohol is illegal) and preparing the Opium Narguille. At nights he doubles as Croupier in the Floating Casino.

We need a few bucks (maybe 1,000,000) that will be multiplied several times in a year or two.

We are open to other equally appealing activities to add: Human Cloning (still unauthorized), Human Genetic Engineering, 3-Some Marriages and more.

Infidelidad en video y crimen: Lo morboso vende más...

2010-04-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

Las Heras es una localidad de 15.000 habitantes cercana a Buenos Aires, donde todavía todos se conocen. Y cuando Silvia Luna, próxima a casarse, apareció en un video porno casero con alguien que no era el novio, todos se las ingeniaron para verlo.
Menos claro, el novio.

Carola, compañera de trabajo en el restaurante donde Silvia trabaja, se tomó el trabajo de mostrar el video al novio, quien inmediatamente suspendió la boda.
Cuando Silvia se enteró de la intervención de Carola la encaró y la atacó con un martillo de cocina, hecho de madera y aluminio y normalmente usado para ablandar la carne. Carola hace 4 días que se debate entre la vida y la muerte, con el cráneo fracturado y en coma grado 4.
La mayoría de los medios argentinos mencionan la existencia del video, pero ninguno lo muestra. La mayoría de los sitios anónimos para subir videos, Youtube, Rapidshare, Taringa, Poringa y muchos más, alojaron el video por unas horas y luego lo tuvieron que dar de baja, seguramente ante el reclamo de los familiares. En respuesta a las enorme cantidad de pedidos y comentarios sobre el tema, rápidamente surgieron sitios de pago que ofrecen el video restringido.
El video es breve, está tomado con un celular y los camarógrafos fueron ambos participantes. Muestra varios tipos de actividad adulta.
Porqué nadie se resiste a verlo? En primer lugar, por ser un video genuino cuya dueña tomó tan a pecho su difusión, que llegó al extremo de matar y pasar seguramente muchos años a la sombra.
En segundo lugar, porque los medios mencionaron su existencia sin mostrarlo, por recato y temor a las posibles consecuencias.
En estos días Argentina debate el conflicto con Uruguay por el puente de Gualeguaychú. Las búsquedas por Silvia Luna ocupan el 66% del máximo reportado por Google Trends, mientras que las del conflicto internacional no llegan al 50%.
Cómo hacer para despertar el interés masivo del público por algo que no sea escabroso y sexual? Un desafío para los marketineros...

Versión 1 del video prohibido

Versión 2

A continuación, el llamativo parecido entre el marido de Carola y el amante de Silvia en el video:

Planean poner una sombrilla en la cumbre del volcán islandés en erupción

2010-04-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

Un grupo de ciudadanos islandeses frustrados por la suspensión de vuelos en Europa a raíz de la erupción del volcán Eyjafjallajokull, ha propuesto una solución inteligente al problema.
Reunidos en la taberna de Moëttir en los suburbios de Reikiavik, los aburridos islandeses habían pedido varios cocktails, adornados con pequeñas sombrillas plásticas. Eso le sugirió a Magnus JonsdottirGuðrúnThorJon una solución para el problema del volcán.
Peterg GuðrúnThorJonJonsdottir, un estudiante de Ingeniería de Paraguas en la Universidad de Eyjajalla, diseñó la estructura de una sombrilla gigante de titanio que podría colocarse en el orificio del volcán.
La propuesta derrotó por 4-3 a la de AunEgilÓttar AdilsEysteinYngvarönund, catador de vino y habitué de la taberna de Moëttir, quien había propuesto un corcho gigante.

El primer obstáculo sería la resistencia del titanio al calor. Pero según Peterg el calor disminuye rápidamente al ubicar el paraguas por encima del orificio del volcán. Sólo el mango estaría expuesto a las cenizas salientes, pero éstas no son tan calientes.
- Y si no, hagamos el mango de ceniza - propuso Moëttir.
El segundo obstáculo fué la forma de subir el paraguas al volcán. Algo así como el problema de "Quien le Pone el Cascabel al Gato". Según Vébiôrn Vésteinn Véþormr la altura del volcán es de solo 1666 m, lo cual lo pone al alcance de los helicópteros.
Los mismos servirían también para trasladar el paraguas a otro volcán en erupción, en cuanto termine la emergencia actual.
La erupción 2010 del volcán ha sido bautizada "Fimmvörðuháls", para dificultar la tarea de los periodistas, aún de los que escriben falsas noticias y tienen libertad para inventar nombres.

Anciana de 86 años violada, pero luego del hecho el culpable se quedó dormido y lo atraparon

2009-08-27T13:48:00.000-07:00

Viola a una anciana, se queda dormido y lo atrapan

El hecho ocurrió en el barrio Libertad, Mar del Plata, Pcia. de Buenos Aires, donde un ladrón irrumpió en la casa de una jubilada de 86 años, sorprendida en plena madrugada mientras descansaba.

La anciana fue atacada a golpes y violada, y por el hecho fue detenido un hombre de 40, que fue atrapado porque se quedó dormido en la cama de la víctima.

Fuentes policiales informaron hoy a Télam que el hecho sucedió ayer a la madrugada en una casa situada en la calle Chacabuco, donde la anciana descansaba sola.

Un delincuente logró ingresar a la vivienda y sorprender a la mujer, a quien golpeó en el rostro y la cabeza, y luego violó en reiteradas oportunidades, detallaron las fuentes.

Los voceros explicaron que en el lapso que transcurrió entre cada abuso al que sometió a la anciana, el agresor preparó varios bultos con elementos de valor para robar de la casa.

Pero, tras el último ataque, el delincuente se quedó dormido en la cama de la víctima, quien aprovechó para llamar a un familiar, que alertó a su vez a la Policía.

Efectivos de la seccional sexta de Mar del Plata acudieron al domicilio de la anciana y sorprendieron al delincuente, que quedó detenido y fue trasladado a la dependencia policial, a disposición de la Fiscalía de Flagrancia, acusado de "tentativa de robo y violación".

La anciana, que presentaba golpes en el rostro y un estado de conmoción agudo, fue trasladada en una ambulancia a un centro asistencial, donde permanecía internada en observación.

Al revisar la vivienda de la mujer, el personal policial halló varios elementos que el agresor había preparado para robar y que había dejado envueltos en una frazada.

ESTO NO ES UNA FALSA NOTICIA, ESTÁ ACÁ PORQUE PARECE IMPOSIBLE, PERO ES CIERTA.

Fuente: Télam

Michael Jackson died of…

2009-06-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson died of drug intoxication yesterday.

Michael Jackson died yesterday in L.A. of cardiac arrest at only 50, had several health problems, none of them very serious. We will know the results of the autopsy probably in a week or two. In the meantime, I suggest that he died as a result of a drug cocktail intoxication.

He had vitiligo, a defective production of melanin by the deep skin cells. Vitiligo is not serious, but has strong psychological impact. Michael tried all kind of medications, like monobenzone, psoralen and others which could be toxic.

He underwent too numerous plastic surgeries, mainly rhinoplasty, chin implant and skin peelings.

It was rumored that Jackson suffered from systemic lupus, cystic fibrosis and skin cancer. AIDS is also a possibility considering his high-risk behaviors.

Several times he postponed concerts because of dehydration or low blood pressure.

While performing, he had a broken vertebra and a leg, which induced him to have painkillers.

Having an addiction to prescription painkillers, it is likely that an overdose caused the cardiac arrest.

Recently, Jackson's "official and sole spokesperson", Dr. Tohme Tohme, said the following: "Mr. Jackson is in fine health", and we accussed an author of wanting to promote a book on a suppossed Jackson illness.

Garbage used to fill up the costline and create new land

2008-09-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

Large cities like mine (Buenos Aires) have two problems: an excess of garbage, and a shortage of space.
The solution would be to use the garbage to earn land space from the sea. (or river, in this case). I do not suggest that the garbage is thrown like it is. It should be compacted and covered with cement, to construct large blocks. Those blocks can be used to create new space within the water, useful for parks, airports or commercial building.
What is wrong with the idea? For now, it is only False News.

New writer here at FalseNews.com

2008-07-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

We are interviewing new female writers for this blog, and the selected one will be creating many interesting, surprising, useless and false news.

These are our current candidates:

http://business-ideas.com.ar/images/antonia.jpg
http://business-ideas.com.ar/images/alison-tramps.jpg
http://business-ideas.com.ar/images/eugenia.tramps.jpg
http://business-ideas.com.ar/images/Geraldine01-proh.jpg
http://business-ideas.com.ar/images/Mayra02.pproh.jpg

Appartently some of them even know how to put 3 words together.

This news, as all here, is false, but it is worth looking at.

Actually, the girls are supposedly hookers working in my city. The problem is that some of those adult dating sites are known for publishing false photos. Once the client entered the office, he is offered something else (even an ugly, fat, tooth-less granma) but most of them are in no condition to reject the offer. And they can bargain for a discount.

Anyway, if some of these girls is really available I will hire her as a photo model for my intelectual readers...

Naked News Anchor for Diggers

2007-11-28T15:19:00.000-08:00

Recently a Russian news show surprised the world with attractive women taking out their clothes as the news approached its end. Suddenly, every guy was interested in knowing the end of the most irrelevant stories, like a lost cat in Beluchistan or a new statue erected (or destroyed) in Vladivostok.

The example was soon followed by news anchor in other TV stations around the world, with or without 'glasnost'.

Thus, it should not be a surprise the announce by Theresa Lyon, newbie Digger, about her taking out her clothes and show pieces of her anatomy as her news gets digged.

Theresa, pictured above, is a 21-y.o. from Albany, NY, who studies and waits tables in a local fast-food. She offered this increasingly hot scheme:

- miniskirt with 5 diggs

- 2 more bath suit photos with 10 diggs

- a small piece of skin with 20 diggs and 5 fans

- naked from waist up with 30 diggs and 10 fans

- naked to the waist, starting in both ends, with 40 diggs and 20 fans

- very bold photo #1, with 60 diggs and 30 fans

- very bold photo #2, with 80 diggs and 40 fans

As a scheme to get to Digg front page it seems quite original.

You will soon see here if it works or not.

Thanks Theresa for your deep insight into Digg ultra-secret algorithm...

Digg/strip her at: http://phonynews.blogspot.com/2007/11/naked-news-anchor-for-diggers.html

Tree man from the Hobbit reported alive

2007-11-22T12:10:00.000-08:00

Old Man Willow, a tree man in The Hobbit, was not only a myth. A guy in Indonesia, pictured here, suffers from a strange condition that resembles the fictional character. Doctors asume he has warts caused by Human Papiloma Virus, the same agent that commonly infects the female cervix and could cause cancer.

The virus is not treatable by current antiviral drugs, at least in every case.

Vitamin A could be helpful in cases such as this, but there is no guarrantee of success. The reason for this extreme infection could be a weak immune system or a very aggressive viral strain, or both.

This person, named Dede, used to be part of a freak show in Bandung, Indonesia, in order to earn some money, but now he is in a hospital. The doctors made no promises...

4 armed/4 legged Indian Girl had a 22-year old brother who succeeded in soccer

2007-11-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

4 legs, 4 arms can be very useful in sports, as demonstrated by these photos of an Indian girl and his elder brother.

The girl went to surgery with good prognosis. The brother wants her sister left arm transplanted into his chest, for better aiming.

Indian young girl born with 4 arms and 4 legs undergoes surgery

Revered near some in her village at BANGALORE, India, as possible reincarnation of a Hindu goddess, a 2-year-old girl born with four arms and four legs was undergoing surgery Tuesday trying to leave her with a common physique.

The damsel denominated Lakshmi is joined to a "parasitic double" that stopped developing in the mother's womb. The surviving fetus fascinated the limbs, kidneys and extra frame capabilities of the latent fetus.

A crew of 30 doctors was removing the add-on limbs and organs, surgery that granting booming would award her a useful odds to live elapsed youthfullness. They occupy by now disconnected the fused spines and the closest gait option live befall to delete the ancillary limbs and the rest of the "parasite," said Dr. Patil, the orthopedic surgeon foremost the exercise.

"When of at once, the baby has been responding very well," Patil said assorted hours into the motion.

Children born with deformities in seriously customary Arcadian capabilities of India, like the far-off village in the northern state of Bihar that Lakshmi hails from, are many a time viewed while in the manner tha reincarnated gods. The immature daughter is no changed — she is dubbed after the four-armed Hindu goddess of capital, and her parents state that some in her village exalt her.

Others sought to produce bread from Lakshmi. Her parents kept her in hidding after a circus apparently tried to purchase her.

The complications for Lakshmi's surgery are innumerable: The two spines are merged, she has four kidneys, entangled nerves, two inside cavities and two chest cavities. She cannot mount up or go.

"It's a considerable company exertion of a portion of experienced surgeons who option live befall putting their inclination and mind into solving the enigma of Lakshmi," Patil said earlier in the twenty-four hours. "It's going to grip divers, frequent hours on a continuous foundation to go on the ant. So, these issues clearly assemble it Daedalian."

Patil assign the hazard of losing Lakshmi in the middle of 20 and 25 percent. Doctors own said the first-rate action rundown after the surgery is that she discretion go and charge while in the manner tha a conventional baby.

Doctors at Sparsh Hospital in Bangalore, where the daughter is undergoing surgery, said she is fashionable among the personnel and patients.

"She's a very cute damsel," Dr. Patil Mamatha said. "She's very gay and gets along well with others."

The hospital's bottom is paying for the exercise owing to the girl's folk could not sustain bestow the medical bills, Mamatha said.

My mother-in-law had breast implants

2007-08-22T09:15:00.001-07:00

Well, there is no law against mother-in-laws getting a better figure. My problem is that I am forced to make comparisons and I cannot properly concentrate on my husband duties. Are natural things better than silicon?

If silicon is good for computers, why not for women?

What will happen when 99% of woman have implants and you are stuck with the only non-operated one?

Anyway, my mother in-law is looking for a boyfriend...

The Inflation is crushing our growth

2007-08-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

The inflation is being very high in the Argentine economy these days (Aug.2007), as well as in other LatinAmerican countries.

We expect the authorities solve this problem ASAP.

Even people in great need are unable to carry out projects and ending them properly, under this heavy load.

"Small guys cannot move or breath under this big pressure from above us, let alone grow and enjoy, said Dick Smart, the guy whose feet are pictured above.

Teen Alcohol Abuse: Early Start

2007-07-31T17:15:00.000-07:00

A local day-care center put in practice this amazingly simple method to sedate babies.

The subjects of the experiment did not complain. They slept well and drank from their normal bottles as usual.

Actually, I used a drastic method to make my babies sleep (11 and 13 years ago): make a regular milk bottle, but add twice the amount of powder milk. Nobody will notice. Baby will sleep well, and so will you. There was no overweight problem in them.

If you go for the beer method, add the booze in regular milk bottles to avoid incriminating photos like this one.

Do you only use your feet to walk? Look at this little fellow:

Aliens endorse FALSE-NEWS.COM

2007-07-31T17:13:00.000-07:00

After an interview by our staff, the alien in the photo made a statement endorsing our publication, certifying the fact that he is really an alien, and the false news about his existence are really so.

He and his relative in the photo read carefully our webpage and paid special attention to the photos of naked women in it. "This one has two breasts and two eyes. The four of them, very small" - complained the alien. His human relatives agreed.

When asked about this site writings the readers commented: "The ideas in here are half baked, if you look at them with only one eye", they claimed. "Completely non-baked, if you use both".

Sugar-covered GPS chips for roach nest detection

2007-07-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

Nanotechnology is making progress. Now the smallest GPS trasmitters are small enough to be ingested by roaches. Nest detection is then very easy with a cigarrette-box sized detector.

Experiments are being conducted with rats, mice, hornets, inguinal lice and other bugs. Different flavours and colours help the GPS bugs look more attractive to bugs.

As expected, roaches prefer sugar, while mice die for cheese.

False News Contest: the weirdest, the wittiest, the funniest

2007-07-31T17:11:00.000-07:00

False News is celebrating his recent surge in visitors (from 3 daily to 90)with a contest. The weirdest, the wittiest or the funniest articles submitted here before the end of August will be published and receive the "False News Award", an image that will be available in our site for at least 5 years. It will also have a page of its own and will be prominently placed in search engines around the web. It will also receive a free city tour and all-you-can-eat dinner at a fancy restaurant and other freebies.

Another prize is offered to the existing news in this site, and will be elected by popular vote.

You can publish any false news like "Intelligent Life found in 10th planet beyond Pluto and also in New Jersey" or things like that. The news does not need to be False and doesn't need to be a News. It just need to be weird, witty or funny.

Buying a plane in eBay turned out to be a bad idea...

2007-07-31T17:10:00.000-07:00

Ultralight plane fall kills 2

Two people died while their plane fell to the ground in the Northern province of Misiones, Argentina. The plane, a Rens S-12XL, had only 4 hours of flight since was home-assembled and a few days since it was acquired via Internet.

The trip was planned to cover a full 200 m (218 yards).

Experts are finding out if the engine suddenly stopped, or if a strong descending wind crashed the device into the earth.

The relatives of the two failed pilots wanted to get a refund from the seller, but he has not answered the emails so far.

Except for the unrespectful comment at the bottom, and the eBay reference in the title, this news is sadly not false. Sorry to the relatives. Kids, do not try this at home.

Suicide Boat facilities

2007-07-31T17:08:00.003-07:00

A new service will be offered in L.A. exclusively for those who want to committ suicide without disturbing traffic or waking-up firefighters.
Would-be suicides will board a boat with Tuvalusian banner, which will leave American costs until a spot where suicide is not illegal. Tuvalu does not have a law banning suicide.
Several options for suicide will be provided, from jumping to the shark-infested waters to eating junk food until the end.
Universal Studios plans to shoot your last minute, send the video to your enemies and offer seats to visitors, with popcorn and everything.
The boat will have special facilities for those committing suicide, including farewell stationery and fast last-will lawyers. Last-smoke will allowed, since the strict California healthy life regulations are not valid out of the coast.
Attractive one-way flight packages will be offered to potential suicides from other cities.
If you want to secure a prime spot in expensive Redondo Beach seaside, there is a unique $5,000 fee. Consider it cheap, since no other expense will follow, ever.
Several entrepreneurs are interested in similar boats that will carry on gambling, drug abuse, poligamy and other activities that are considered legal in some countries and not in others.

Sources:

1) A pro-abortion group based in the Netherlands has a boat that performs abortions legally in international waters, off coasts were abortion is not legal.

The Dutch boat, sponsored by Women on Waves, has visited several countries, mostly Catholic. The 35-metre (115 ft) converted fishing boat, has a makeshift treatment room welded to its deck.

http://www.womenonwaves.org/

2) Change of mind: A would-be suicide caused train rerailment with several dead and many wounded. He parked his Jeep Cherokee on railroad tracks in Glendale as a commuter train approached.

But then he changed his mind. He exited his sport utility vehicle and watched as the Metrolink train hit it, derailed, ran into a northbound Metrolink commuter train and crashed into a parked Union Pacific train, police said. http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/01/27/train.derailment/

Guinness Book of Useful Records

2007-07-31T17:08:00.001-07:00

The existing Guinness Record Book deserves the "Guinness Record for a Stupid Enterprise". After competing with the Guinness records for most body piercings, for serving the largest bowl of pasta, for eating the most roaches in a minute, for Longest Hair, and similar ones included in the aforementioned book.

Thus, the Guinness Book of Useful Records was launched today at this web server.

Differently from the current Guinness, which records from Non-useful to Incredibly Silly, with Meaningless, Nonsensical and Plain Stupid in the middle, the Useful Records Book will keep track of significant achievements in significan fields of the Human activity.

Any useful activity in an extreme degree will be named in the Guinness replacement. Schindler for instance, could be included for his list of saved people. Or Einstein, for his Most Significant Math Theory. Or Che Guevara, for his Most Crazy Libertarian Adventure. Or Nobel, for the Largest Contribution to Sensible Human Competitiveness. You name it.

Because the Guinness nameholders will probably follow suit, the Useful Records will be called something else. My last name (Samoilovich) is to long and difficult to serve this purpose, and will certainly lead the project to oblivion after a few twisted-tongue complaints. Let's call it Delaney, as a tribute to Groucho Marx, who used that name referring to anyone whose name wanted to avoid.

And Groucho deserves to be named for the "Most Jokes about Most Life Issues with Less Effort" or something like that. Groucho ennounced a famous paradox: "I would not be a member of a club that would accept people like me as a member". Likewise, the Guinness should have an entry for the "Most Stupid Human Enterprise Ever". However, this would make the book a little less stupid. Then, it should not be the most stupid... This is a nice paradox, also.

Because Delaney's will not be a book, which will be expensive to produce and slow to update, we will call it the Delaney WebSite of Useful Records.

So, the Guinness Book of Useful Records was not launched today, to honour the title of this false-news website. Instead, the "Delaney WebSite of Useful Records" could be formally launched soon, but...

We need some money to seriously launch this project. A competition for the largest monetary contribution to myself, author of this useful proposal, is formally open. The winner will be mentioned in the future "Delaney Site of Useful Records".

Park Farting Ban

2007-07-31T17:06:00.001-07:00

SAN FRANCISCO, Jan. 25 (Reuters) - The Board of Supervisors voted 8 to 3 on Tuesday to ban farting in public parks, making San Francisco the first major American city to embrace such an expansive ban on bodily functions."This is the first one that includes all the parks and recreational centers in a county," said one supervisor, Michela Alioto-Pier, who sponsored the bill.

The bill needs the approval of Mayor Gavin Newsom to become law. The previous ban on Park Smoking was a legal precedent for this new measure. Smokers who found ways to escape previous bans on their addiction offered support to help farters conceal their leaks.

Source:

Yes on Park Smoking Ban - January 26, 2005

SAN FRANCISCO, Jan. 25 (Reuters) - The Board of Supervisors voted 8 to 3 on Tuesday to ban smoking in public parks, making San Francisco the first major American city to embrace such an expansive ban on tobacco use.

"This is the first one that includes all the parks and recreational centers in a county," said one supervisor, Michela Alioto-Pier, who sponsored the bill.

The bill needs the approval of Mayor Gavin Newsom to become law.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/26/national/26smoke.html (Reuters)

Comment: I was inspired by a smoking prohibition in parks. Although I do not smoke anymore, my libertarian spirits were raised by this prohibition.

Abortion: Free, Universal, Compulsory and Retroactive

2007-07-31T17:05:00.000-07:00

Abortion foes won`t like it, but these people do not care. If they have their way, they won`t last. Neither of them.

The FUCR extremist group in the Netherlands dettached from a Green Abortionist faction, and declared that abortion should be Free, Universal (meaning everyone not only in Europe, but in the whole world), Compulsory (more than Pro-Choice, No-Choice), and Retroactive (born babies shall be disposed, even if born in the last days or decades).

When asked about the consequences of these rather advanced ideas their speaker, Grugn Grrung, was ready to explain.

"Compulsory abortion is basic for our demand and we won't give it up". He later admitted that it was compulsory for the phetus, upon mother's decission.

When confronted about the "retroactive abortion" he finally accepted that Retroactive Abortion makes Normal Abortion unnecessary, since the phetuses would die with their mothers. To avoid this contradiction, Grugn and his friends agreed on the "Kind" abortion idea.

"We are not getting soft, it is just a nice acronym: Free, Universal, Compulsory and Kind", he said.

Grrung is a student of Genetic Engineering at the University of Gottlingen, where he does research on hereditary infertility. He was previously expelled from Kabul Taliban Madrasa School, under Mulla Omar, for his extremists ideas and bad breadth.

Source:
The above photo was taken from coral-lab.org, but has nothing to do with the story.

Commment:
The FUCR abortion project has been aborted. For now.

Banning the Publication of False News is unconstitutional

2007-07-31T17:04:00.000-07:00

Besides being sort of a non-non-non-non-non-nonsense riddle, this is a non-false news, and it happened in Uganda. I am happy for the Ugandans, and happy for myself, because False-news.com does not risk being outlawed in the near future by the Ugandan government. Or by any other that had jurisdiction over a blog available in the Web, hosted in Ohio and written in a South American country. A country in which not so long ago, publishing some news was also illegal and could cause severe punishment...

However, I am concerned about the lack of non-credibility of this Blog that occurs when I publish non-false News.

Will people stop un-believing me? Or in other words, will people start believing me? God forbids! I will write something about God in the near future, in this blog. Like "God Exists", or "God sent us a press release".

In the same spirit, I could write an article saying, "President Bush is a nice person", or "Abortion is Bad", or whatever opinion I want to promote, meaning the opposite of what I declare.

Want to read more ramblings about what this site is about? Are you sure?
.

Also, how can I say "Dont believe me because this is False-news.com". We all studied the Greek paradox that said: "I am a liar. Thus, I am telling a lie. Thus, I am not a liar. Thus, I am telling a truth. Thus...". The bottom line is: "You can have too much truth, but not too much lie". Is like lonely people, who cannot form a club or hang together to share their loneliness.

Oh well. High School students should be assigned to write a False-News.com article. It is a nice exercise on logic, philosophy and journalism. It involves delivering Truth disguised as Falseness. And building credibility without ever pronouncing credible content.

I think I can put together a good mix of falseness, irony, true lies, sarcasm and witty puns, all spiced with a few bold ideas, and still be healthily lying. This would be False-News.com.

91-year-old woman raped

2007-07-31T17:03:00.000-07:00

A boy, 16, armed with a knife, attacked an old lady alone at her home.

Fernando B. forced the door at 5 AM , Sunday, Jan. 31, 2005. After sexually abusing the woman, he robbed some money, jewelry and home appliances and ran.

Shortly after that he was captured by the police. He was locked in an isolated cell, but he managed to break the lock and escaped thru the ceilings.

In the mean time, a gynecologist and other doctors confirmed the sexual abuse, convincing even the most skeptical journalists and policemen. In fact, the woman had been abused several times by the young robber.

None of the policemen in the 6st station at Rosario City, Argentina, noticed the escape at the moment. It turned out that the minor found his way out of jail and went home. He was recaptured 3 days later and sent to a safer prison.

Rosario has no women shortage. It is a large industrial center, with current population over 1,110,000, 53% of which are female. Che Guevara was born there in 1928 and Maradona played for the local Newells soccer team in 1993.

Fernando B. has a long story of drug abuse and 20 criminal offenses so far.

Source: This news should not belong to www.false-news.com because it is strictly true, but we felt like including it. It appeared in several Argentine newspapers (in Spanish): http://www.clarin.com/diario/2005/02/01/um/m-914342.htm - Local, serious newspaper

Only the photo is false.

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Note: There are keywords in the articles to improve our google and yahoo rankings.

This article is about an old-woman raped, the rape of an ancient lady, an abused senior citizen. It is a real news about an indecent rape, abusive and criminal rape. Raping is severely punished by law. More than ninety years do not protect agains rape or raping by a delinquent minor.

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Viral marketing News

False-news now is an active viral marketing website, using political and social criticism, plus humor, irony, sarcasm and other aggressive marketing techniques. It can be classified as Guerrilla Marketing, because its hit-and-run way.

Promotion can be classified as: 'Wishful Thinking', 'Crazy Ideas', 'My opinions', 'Real news that only seem false' an more.

Rocket-Fuel Chemical Found in Breast Milk

2007-07-31T17:02:00.000-07:00

Perchlorate is found in almost all samples tested, a study finds, raising concerns about the substance's effect on the thyroid and brain.

Scientists on Tuesday reported that perchlorate, a toxic component of rocket fuel, was contaminating virtually all samples of women's breast milk and its levels were found to be, on average, five times greater than in cow's milk.

The contaminant, which originates mostly at defense industry plants, previously had been detected in various food and water supplies around the country. But the study by Texas Tech University's Institute of Environmental and Human Health was the first to investigate breast milk.

The rocket scientist below is actively working in the fuel research project. Several experts volunteered to help her. Others went out to find out which breast features provide the better rocket fuel: size, shape, symmetry, softness or others.

Source:

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-perchlorate23feb23,1,2664337.story?coll=la-headlines-nation&ctrack=2&cset=true

The new food pyramid

2007-07-31T17:00:00.000-07:00

"Eating is dangerous to your health"

The new food pyramid recommended by health authorities in the US includes less amount of sugars, fat and oily pastries, along with increased amount of fiber.

Also, a reminder to all that we must swallow our pills, capsules, syrups and other drug parafernalia: aspirin to prevent blood clotting, statins to lower our cholesterol, valium and anti-hypertensive meds to calm our spirits and viagra to raise them. Along with other drugs that will help us live a longer, healthier and more boring life.

Back to the food guide pyramid, a proposed change is that the food groups are no longer horizontal blocks of the pyramid, but vertical triangles. And the guy making exercise, represents the need to walk at least 20 miles per day or run 15. What leaves you no time to eat anyway. Driving does not count.

Of course, no tobacco, alcohol, drugs or sex have a place in the new pyramid. Strictly forbidden.

Most doctor are thinking in new things that cause damage and must be avoided. But my doctor keeps it simple: "If you like it, you cannot do it". And the converse is also true: "If you do not like it, you must".

The FDA is debating the new labels that should be added to all foods and food ads: "Eating is dangerous to your health". "Don't eat and drive", "Friends do not let friends eat" and the like.

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Note: There are keywords in articles to get them SEO friendly.
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Viral marketing Tool

False-news is now being branded as a viral marketing mechanism. We use humor, irony, sarcasm, political and social criticism and plain imagination to promote our client's products.

We have these sections: Wishful Thinking, Crazy Ideas, My opinions, Real news that only seem false and much more.

We write and publish your False-News here, and also submit it many indexes.

We obtain good ranking for most keywords.

The Food Pyramid article can be related to our Medical Advice website, MedicalAdvice.com.ar.

False News searches for low quality not quantity

2007-07-31T16:59:00.001-07:00

False-News has plans that will dramatically decrease the results of internet news searches, by ranking them according to its low quality and dubious origin.

The ambitious system is revealed by patents filed in the US and around the world by researchers based at the company's headquarters in Almagro, Buenos Aires.

At the moment the company's site shows news according to whatever hits the owners' confused mind.

This means that articles carrying more authority, say from CNN or the BBC, can be ousted from the first page of results, simply because they are not as recent or as relevant to the keyword entered in the search line.

Now False-News, whose name has become synonymous with internet missinformation, plans to build a database that will compare the track record and credibility of all news sources around the world, and adjust the chances of publication accordingly.

The database will be built by continually monitoring the number of stories from all news sources, along with average story length, number with bylines, and number of the bureaux cited, along with how long they have been in business. False-News database will also keep track of the number of staff a news source employs, the volume of internet traffic to its website and the number of countries accessing the site.

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This is a deformation of the article published in http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn7328, named: "Google searches for quality not quantity", and referring to a new system by Google News that classifies news by credibility. Once we learn the algorithm we will find the way to crack it to get listed in Google home page.

The image was borrowed from: http://www.spinnwebe.com/contests/google/3.php

Sex Contest: choose a sex escort and win a free session

2007-07-31T16:58:00.003-07:00

A local adult website has been offering a very successful weekly contest for the last 4 years.

http://www.platynum.com.ar/ZZInterface/sorteo.htm

You choose a sex escort among 2000+, register, get a ticket number, and wait for the drawing. The winner gets a free session with the chosen escort.

To avoid doubts, the winning numbers follow the National Lottery Drawing.

From the eMarketing viewpoint this is a wonderful idea. The contest was so successful, that when the results are published the server used to colapse out of excess traffic. The company owners had to buy a server of their own and enter the web hosting business, by offering the excess capacity.

Platynum Group ( http://www.platynum.com.ar/Entretenimiento/EntretenimientoSpanish.htm ) specializes in adult escorts (all sexes, all orientations) mostly based in Buenos Aires, but also with branches in other Latin American cities by means of a franchise. The escorts pay a fixed fee to appear, with photo an contact data, in the listings of available adult company. Since the company has a network of about 15 sites, escorts can pay for appearance in several of these sites. Each site caters to a different market: tourists, youngsters, gays and so.

They are clients of ours, and we offer them programming and web promotion services. We created for them www.sx.com.ar, offering erotic stories in Spanish. The site promotes www.SoyTuyo.com , which lists male escorts.

Ask us about ideas on how to promote you website. I only hope your product is as funny as this one.

Vehicles Overturning: Never again

2007-07-31T16:58:00.001-07:00

The Anti-overturning Springed Bar for vehicles has been finally invented.

After many accidents in which the vehicle overturned in a curve and caused damage to itself or passenger, the False-News editor invented a simple safety device that solves the problem.

This device detects a dangerous angle of inclination of a vehicle, and launches a springed rod that knocks on the floor and makes the vechicle bounce back to vertical position.

It mounts on the roof of the vehicle. Most needed in double-decker long distance buses, but most likely to be adopted first by Hollywood film-makers.

The adjusting bolt allows triggering at varying angles, ranging from 45 to 65 degrees, depending on the relative height of the gravity center of the vehicle.

As a result of the spring action, there is no damage to the lateral side of the vehicle. The impact of the accident is buffered.

2 or 4 devices are needed for every vehicle, half oriented to each side.

The complete set of 2 or more bracket-mounted rods doubles as a baggage carrier.

A search in IBM's patents website showed nothing like my invention.

This is a false false news. Thus, it is a true news.

We are waiting for someone willing to invest for patenting and manufacturing.

See this page for drawings.

Would any kind reader send us a better drawing. Or even better, an animated gif? You will certainly help save lives!.

Synthetic Language Adopted by the UN, EU

2007-07-31T16:56:00.000-07:00

The United Nations General Secretary announced today the adoption of a "New Esperanto" as the universal language for all the UN Programs and literature, all the future UN created or sponsored countries, and all international transactions under the UN sponsorship.

The European Union supported the measure and promised to do the same starting by the end of the year.

Esperanto is very simple to learn, has only regular verbs and nouns, no accents, no mute letters, no phonetic nuisances, and uses a word mix from the main existing languages. New Esperanto has been designed with Computer Aided Translation in mind. Most word processors in the future will ask some questions about the words being used, to make sure the resulting text is machine-translatable.

A linguists' commission is being established by the UN to define the features of the new language, and to adapt the existing esperanto to the new technologies and vocabularies.

The program will cost a few billion dollars for the first 2 years, but afterwards it will start producing huge savings in most international business.

Bilinguals, as shown below, are now in high need in most globalized countries.

Scientifically proven: clothes are not necessary to cross the street

2007-07-31T16:55:00.002-07:00

This simple fact was demonstrated by a young urban artist belonging to the "Urbanudism" group, formed by some 13 people in in Barcelona, Buenos Aires and other cities.

"As an experiment is quite simple and I would say stupid", said a pleased witness, "but I could stay here watching it over and over"

"The frontal matter she wants to demonstrate do not need much support" said an expert in the field. "But looking the issue from behind, it deserves some attention".

When the police arrived, the mood changed among the small crowd that had assembled.

"Obscene is hunger, obscene is corruption, this is not obscene" - said a serious supporter of the young artist, who signs her website as "Avril X".

"The picket protesters in our country could use her help while cutting our streets" - was the comment of a policeman for the TV reporters.

Free blogjob offered!!

2007-07-31T16:55:00.001-07:00

We offer a job to anyone who wants to collaborate with this blog.

We need writers, announcers, photographers and other creative minds, looking for some self-promotion. We cannot pay anything, so the job will be done for free.

We warrantee global exposure after a few weeks. We are an e-marketing company with expertise in VBasic and PHP coding, web promotion tools and submission to the zillion search engines and directories. We are always developing new website and blog promotion tools.

The blond girl below is the author's idea of an ideal blogjob person, but anyone willing to work for free would do.

Actually, we are now hiring one PHP programmer. Must live in Baires. Fun job, modest pay.

If you were misled by the title, we intended to do so.

Adult Cloning now possible

2007-07-31T16:54:00.001-07:00

First was Dolly the cloned sheep. Then it came human stem cell research. We recently learnt that children can be born from two mothers, when the ovum receives the genes from another ovum.

A more challenging and promising news comes from England, where parthenogenesis is being tried. It consists on ovum development without any chromosome injection. It is not certain to produce adult individuals. If any parthenogenetic human being is ever born, it will be genetically incomplete and sterile. The parthenogenetic embryo will be an excellent cell and organ donor, and many terminally ill patients would benefit from it.

The latest advance in gene research is the birth of cloned individuals at mature age. Instead of a baby, smart gene manipulation brings about an adult. The mother has a heavy burden to carry: the baby can be as heavy as a 151 pounds or 70 kilos. It looks like a 25 year old, although it legal age is 0.

The advantage is not spending time and money rising a child. You get an adult, ready to use or abuse.

The photo was stolen from www.webalia.com - Thanks guys!

Buttology Science makes significant advance

2007-07-31T16:52:00.000-07:00

Prof. Serguei Samoilov, from the Almagro Institute of Medical Sciences, is conducting an original research project.

He analyzed female butt muscle-fat balance and compared it with personality.

He found a consistent correlation between the female ass and personality. He analyzed several factors like: shape, size, fat contents and overall structure (in the brain) and shyness, emotional tendencies, behavior and sex drive (in the butt).

The researcher, together with some colleagues and students, are receiving photos and personality descriptions from female voluntaries everywhere. Use the email in the About link for your contribution.

Results, complete with photos and a personality analysis by the scientist, will be published in an academic website this summer.

The photos below illustrate some preliminary findings of the Buttology Analytic Method.

I took the photos from:

Bold, Climber, Dark, Uptight: my client http://www.escorts.com.ar
Dreamer: Oscar Chichoni - Imagenetion
Naive is actress Peta Williams.

Amazing new drug: Retrotimine, the substance that makes time go back

2007-07-31T16:50:00.002-07:00

A group of researchers in Almagro University discovered a new drug that forces time back. It exploits a little-known property of astronomic black holes, that force light into higher-than light speeds, which in turn make time loop back on itself. Small black holes crushed and suspended in an special titanium ointment can be used as cream or ingested.

Prof. Thomas Nuttymer named the new product "retrotimine", and started to deliver small samples to colleagues and the press.

Doctors expected that Retrotimine could be used to force time back a few minutes and revert the effect of accidents. Thus, it would be used to repair broken bones, bullet wounds and other injuries. However, women rushed to get the samples and applied the substance to their face wrinkles. Instead of minutes, the goal was to go back years or even decades.

In the riot that followed the first successful experiments, Prof. Thomas Nuttymer broke a jar of Retrotimine while he was handling it and went back in time to the minute before he conceived the surprising substance.

Then, his helper applied some more retrotimine, expecting to go back to the moment before the accident, but instead, Prof. Nuttymer went back to childhood, as shown in the photo.

If and when he grows back to a healthy adult, he might learn again how to make retrotimine. Then, the world will enjoy its most innovative and useful creation since penicillin. If not, we will keep aging as always.

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Note: There are keywords in my articles now, to make them SEO friendly and get better google and yahoo rankings.

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Viral marketing

False-news is now being branded as a viral marketing electronic media, using humor, irony, sarcasm, political and social criticism.

We offer these sections: Wishful Thinking, Crazy Ideas, My opinions, Real news that only seem false and more.

We write and publish your False-News here, and also submit it many indexes.

We obtain good ranking for most keywords.

Our Consulting Business is Booming

2007-07-31T16:50:00.001-07:00

This website is published by Netic Infoservices of Buenos Aires, Argentina.
I started this company in 1996, after being Medical Director of a local pharmaceutical company. My passion for the newly-born Internet drove me to learn and practice Internet Marketing.
We have many websites showing our services: www.FoundFirst.com (search engine optimizing), www.netic.com.ar (Spanish), www.SiteTranslations.com.ar (English to Spanish translations) and many others.
I expect to have 18 employees by 2006 and 50 by 2007...

Image taken from http://prague.tv/

In the meantime...

Image taken from http://prague.tv/

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Note: This site is a sample of Viral Marketing. There are keywords in all articles now, to obtain good SEO or 'search engine optimization', which leads to better google and yahoo rankings.

Viral marketing electronic media

Some clients or websites require specially creative solutions. Many internet fields are overcrowded and are extremely competitive, and SEO is one of them.

Thus, we launched False-news as a viral marketing electronic media, using humor, sarcasm, irony, political and social criticism.

We offer several approches to false news: Wishful Thinking, Crazy Ideas, My own opinions, Real but weird news, and more.

Poisoned Cocaine or Drug-laced Poison: A Definitively Better Mouse Trap Bait

2007-07-31T16:49:00.000-07:00

Even with all of our chemical knowledge, rats and mice are almost impossible to erradicate. Old houses have so many hiding places for rodents, that there is no way to reach them all. And the small beasts are so smart that rapidly learn to avoid traps and baits.

Rat poisons of the coumarin family block the blood-clotting process, and act after a few days following the ingestion. In this way, the rat colonies do not easily associate a bait with its deadly effect. But still, many rats are developing resistance to coumarins.

So, both their intelligence and metabolism are to strong for us.

My solution to the rat problem is simple: Cocaine.

Yes, let's spread a little coke in the corners, and wait for the rodents to get high a few times. After that, we can use tainted cocaine and be sure the rat junkies will eat it.

This is not an expensive method. Cocaine seized in drug procedures is abundant and gets destroyed. If it was transformed in Legal Coke for Rodent Use, it would be cheap.

Farmers in Colombia could export their coca leaves in a legal way, without need to switch to alternative crops.

The ony restriction would be that Legal Coke will only be sold with a Registered Exterminator prescription, such as medical marijuana is now sold in Canada and other places.

Whether rats are smarter than humans and learn to avoid the dope, remains to be seen.

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Note: Articles have now extra keywords for SEO purposes.

Viral marketing electronic media

False-news is a viral marketing electronic media, combining humor, irony, sarcasm, political and social criticism.

News express: Wishful Thinking, Crazy Ideas, My opinions, and more.

This article is a crazy idea, but makes marketable news. Atracting mice with cocaine looks easy, doable and effective. It also should work with other pests: rats, maybe insects.

Drug solutions, drug therapy, drug recommendation and other keywords have high demand.

We obtain great rankings for most keywords.

Germany 2006 - World Soccer Championship - Current Match Results

2007-07-31T16:47:00.000-07:00

Six months in advance, False-News.com is providing the results of the first round of matches in the Germany 2006 - World Soccer Championship.

Of course we do not have the faintest idea of what is going to happen. We are just trying to get some aged pages indexed by Google by the time millions of web surfers try to find out what happened with their national teams. As I wrote in a previous entry, Google is taking 6 months in ranking new pages, and the old domains are being considered better than the new ones.

So, if in June you search for "England vs. Trinidad & Tobago", or "Argentina vs. Ivory Coast", you will have OUR pages ranked ahead of cnn.com, uefa.com, espn.com or other multi-mullion operations.

We will be the FIRST website in providing all the soccer results, that is for sure.

What reminds me a joke.

The teacher asks Little Johnny:
- Answer me fast Little Johnny: how much is 2 plus 2?
He shouts: - Five!

- No, Little Johnny. You got it wrong.
And he replies: - Hold on. What did you want? Speed or precision?

Same here. We WILL be the first in providing the soccer results.

FalseNews Data - Germany 2006 - 1st round scores:

England vs. Trinidad & Tobago: 3-0
Argentina vs. Ivory Coast: 3-0
Poland vs. Ecuador: 1-0
Serbia & Montenegro vs. Netherlands: 1-2
Portugal vs. Iran: 3-2
Mexico vs. Angola: 2-0
Italy vs. Ghana: 3-1
United States vs. Czech Republic: 1-1
Japan vs. Croatia: 2-2
Australia vs. Japan: 0-0
Togo vs. Switzerland: 0-1
France vs. South Korea: 3-1
Spain vs. Ukraine: 2-2
Tunisia vs. Saudi Arabia: 2-1

Stay tuned.

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Note: There are some keywords in all articles, to obtain better google / yahoo rankings.
------

Viral marketing electronic media

False-news is now being announced as a viral marketing electronic media, offering ad space.

We write and publish your False-News here, as a unique and effective ad medium. The funniest, weirdest and better written stuff gets the most worldwide attention. Test it.

Get good rankings for most keywords in short time.

Human Powered Flight: At last

2007-07-31T16:46:00.000-07:00

A great human-powered flight invention was revealed today at the False-News Agency, surprising everyone for its simplicity and potential.

Paragliding is very common, but it is limited by wind and geographic features that allow climbing before being able to jump.

Motor paragliding is very simple, and can be carried out with a low power (50cc) engine. However, the amount of energy required by it is about 350 Watt, the amount developed by a good skinny biker.

Many stupid enterprises were carried out by stupids wanted to set another stupid record, but no one decided to fly with its legs.

The invention is just a paraglider, a propeller and bycicle pedals and chain. Conceiving, designing, putting together all the materials, testing and writing, took an amazing half an hour.

See:

Human-powered flight will be a convenient transportation medium, plus an excellent exercise and extreme sport.

Ask us about the patent rights. Send us your views. Send us a few bucks and we will go ahead on this.

Counterfeit money drives new faces in paper currency

2007-07-31T16:45:00.000-07:00

Counterfeit bills are turning up everywhere in smaller denominations, leaded by the 10 U$D bill. In response, new bills are being prepared.
Basides forgery, inflation and lack of heroes are forcing several countries to find new faces for bills.
A serious inflation usually affects many unstable economies along the globe, and forces the government to print money on short notice. In the past, countries like Italy, Germany and Argentina made 10,000, 100,000 and even 1,000,000 units bills. (lira, mark or peso, respectively).
As a result, they run out of heroes to portrait.
The Czech Republic has recently came out with Mr. Bean in their 500 whatever bill. Excellent idea. With all due respect to Washington and other old timers, it is time to find new faces for currency.
Here in Argentina we are starting to have some inflation now, which combined with a scarcity for heroes could end up in new faces showing up in paper currency.
Also, the economy used to be very funny and seemed to be ran by Mr.Bean.
By the way, I am a Rowan Atkinson's big fan.

Image taken from someone

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Note: We now include keywords in articles, for better search engine results.
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Viral marketing

False-news is now a viral marketing electronic media, with space for advertisers.

We get rankings for most keywords after a couple of weeks.

New types of marriage approved in Sweden

2007-07-31T16:44:00.002-07:00

Always advancing on personal freedom and social issues, the Swedish Kingdom has just approved 7 new types of marriage:

1. Temporary marriage: provisions are made for termination after a fixed time.

2. Event-conditioned marriage: automatically broken in case of infidelity, infertility, bankrupcy, disease, exam flunking, heavy rain or other events.

3. Polygamic or Polyandric Marriage: Any combination is allowed: 2-1, 2-2, 3-2 or n-n. Changes in the number of partners must be approved separately.

4. Non-fidelity or limited-fidelity marriage: Non-fideliity is very clear. Limited fidelity applies to those partners that want to keep the right to have sex with a specific partner, like a current or former spouse. In other cases, there is a double-knockout rule, allowing partners to be unfaithful once.

5.Separate Houses Marriage: it limits the economic partnership to those issues related with common activities, vacations and children.

6. Children-only marriage: this union is only intended for procreation purposes. All other committments are exempted.

7. Move-in Marriage: the partner who moves in has less rights than in a move-together marriage. Valid for those who want to marry without leaving their parents house.

8. Audited Marriage: the limitations mentioned in options 2, 4, 5, 6 and 7 are enforced by an Auditor. The Auditor has visitation rights and can freely ask questions or gather evidence around. Must be fed and taken with the family on vacation, if necessary. It turned out that audited marriages had less contract breaches than non-audited. On the other hand, a few auditors indulged in adultery with one (or both) audited part.

Other countries are looking at this experiment with great attention.

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Note: Watch for keywords in articles, for SEO and better SE rankings.

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Viral Marketing Site

False-news is now being branded as a viral marketing electronic media, offering its space to advertisers.

We publish your False-News here, and also submit it to search engines and directories.

We obtain good rankings for client's keywords after a few days.

Black Hole in the Rear End of the World

2007-07-31T16:44:00.001-07:00

A black hole was discovered in the rear end of the world.

Unlike most experts from Columbus to this day believe, the world is not round as a ball. Rather, it has an oval shape and a deep tread near South America, as the image below shows. In the middle of the tread there is a black hole, where matter mostly comes out instead of come in. Mostly.

This finding explains why we South Americans are excluded from many international operations, like opening an account in ClickBank, receiving money thru PayPal, getting risk capital for Internet ventures, receiving serious attention from world power centers and other issues.

Also, I complain from many requests for outsourcing consulting or IT jobs, that request local people. There is no reason to demand a local person for most IT tasks, which we provide. We email, phone and bill as if we were local.

Do they fear that I will run with their money? False. We are the ones that usually get ripped off, by non-paying or late-paying customers.

Anyway, we intend to prove that we are not the ...ss of the world anymore.

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Note: There are keywords in all articles now, to make them 'search engine optimized' and get better google and yahoo rankings.

------------
Viral Marketing Publication

False-news is now being branded as a viral marketing blog, offering space to advertisers.

We write and publish advertising False-News here, and also do other maneuvers for better exposition.

We obtain excellent rankings for selected keywords after a week or two.

False News are not indictable

2007-07-31T16:43:00.001-07:00

Just a small non-false news I found that protects our right to spread False News for commercial purposes...

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SPREADING FALSE NEWS
181. Every one who wilfully publishes a statement, tale or news that he knows is false and that causes or is likely to cause injury or mischief to a public interest is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years. [R.S., c.C-34, s.177.]

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Note: The Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that this section violates the guarantee to freedom of expression under section 2(b) of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms and is of no force and effect: R. v. Zundel (1992), 75 C.C.C. (3d) 449, 16 C.R. (4th) 1, [1992] 2 S.C.R. 731.

United Nations new Quality Standard for countries

2007-07-31T16:42:00.001-07:00

A proposal for the U.N.

Listen, Mr. Kofi Annan...

The main world problems are war and hunger, which mostly arise from ignorance, racism, regionalism, nationalism, religion and other sectarian attitudes.
While the Muslim terrorism threat and the disproportionate West response continue to escalate, the world war problems will not be solved. The economic and social differences between countries can be softened and disregarded, but the religious identification of a whole country is impossible to conciliate with long-term peace.
The UN should take a more proactive attitude to end those problems, creating a quality standard for member nations.
The Standard will demand:

For states:

- Significant monetary contribution to the UN. This is necessary to enhance the role of the UN and to limit the ambitions of small territories looking for independence. Do Chechenia or Osetia or Tamil or others know that they will need to pay ambassadors in every country, and possibly an expensive UN Membership Fee?
- no identification of the state with any race, national origin, political ideas or any potential threat to peaceful coexistence.
- support of Internationalism rather than Nationalism.
- free press, free speech.
- freedom of communication and information
- UN audited democracy
- Defense-only military
- UN audited economy for equitable wealth distribution
- no public religion, full separation of State and Religion
- no death penalty
- compulsory state education for at least 7 years for every citizen. No religious education shall replace state education.
- no restrictions for emigration of citizens
- an immigration quota based on the growth of the economy, favoring citizens from other Standardized Countries.
- acceptance of the International Courts for international disputes
- integration of minorities

The states or countries adhering to the Peacefully Coexistence Standard will enjoy military protection from the UN against aggression from non-standardized countries. They will also receive special international help for disasters or emergencies.

For citizens:
- citizens will be required to learn a second language, selected among those frequently spoken in the region.
- citizens will be encouraged to travel and migrate to countries members of the UN Country Standard.
- citizens will be allowed to obtain International Citizen Status, be means of education and acceptance of the UN Country Standard. This status shall ease the emigration to Standard Countries and the procurement of a job.

Once a significant number of countries conform to the Standard, the world will be more peaceful, sustainable, and healthy place.

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Note:

Ban Ki-moon will replace Kofi Annan now.

Recently, Elton John proposed 'to ban all religions'. I somehow agree, although I suggest to discredit them instead of forbidding them.

There are keywords in my articles to make them SEO or 'search engine optimized' and improve our google and yahoo rankings.

World Peace, a new International order, strong United Nations and Peaceful Coexistance could be good keywords for this article.

Viral marketing electronic media

False-news is now being branded as a viral marketing electronic media, offering space to advertisers.

We write and publish your False-News here, and also submit it to Digg.com, Furl.com and many article websites.

We obtain great rankings for your keywords after a couple of weeks. And this is no false news...

Throw that pen. Get a Chemical Signature

2007-07-31T16:41:00.003-07:00

May I lick the contract?

The Chemical Signature is a simple concept: make your ink unique by mixing a new color and adding secret components. Even salt and sugar will do it.
Now, the custom ink could have been invented by Da Vinci, but without Internet it would have been very hard to associate a person with its Own Ink.
It is possible now for everyone to have a custom ink, adding safety to signatures and rubberstamps. The ink is obtained by mixing standard colors in different proportions. As a first step in validation, the colors are shown in a website, under a code.
The additional components that add safety to the OwnInk system are substances that are easy to detect, if you know what you are looking for. If you do not, you need a multimillion dollar lab and many hours of expert chemists or biochemists.
To know some of the secret components, the validator needs to register in a website. More components mean more safety levels, and more requirements for validators.

What is wrong with the $1 ball pen?

In these times of digital signatures, nobody pays attention to ink signatures, which are still made as in the Middle Ages, but move billions of dollars every hour. Ink signatures in paper will probably stay around until we extinct all the forests.

However, when handwriting analysts mention technology, they mean a magnifying glass. No changes have appeared in the way we sign and in how the signatures are verified. On the other hand, criminals have now scanners, graphic software and check software, enabling them to easily falsify any rubber stamp or signature, no matter how complicated.

As a result, attempted check fraud in US banks surpassed $4.32 billion in 2001, doubling for the 2nd time in 4 years (American Bankers Association Deposit Account Fraud Survey Report).

Not only banks need to verify signatures: notaries, universities, governments and those who face the globalized economy. And still, they rely on visual examination to compare signatures.

You can sign in any color, as long it is black.

There are a few obstacles for the Chemical Signature. For instance: Will Notaries accept signatures with Customized Safety Ink?. Probably not, because the law favors Black. One reason is that light blue is bad for xeroxing, but there is nothing wrong with other colors. Maybe the law can change. And there is nothing against chemical tracers.

It is also possible to sign in black (with subtle amounts of chemical tracers) and stamp in color. You need a stamp to state that "This document is signed / stamped with Custom Ink #123456".

Another problem would arise when you lose your pen or rubber stamping pad. Your ink can fall in the wrong hands. However, it is easy to implement a reporting system such as the one that Credit Cards have.

Is this document radioactive?

As a matter of fact, yes. If you are reading this in paper, it will be less radioactive than a computer monitor, but it still has a background radiation.
The ink can have radioactive components that are easy to identify and measure. However, if they stay below certain limits, no authority will complain.
Alternatively, some biological components can be added for extra safety and easy detection by a biochemical lab. DNA or saliva could be good options, but the company providing such an ink would be liable for handling hazardous materials. However, many biochemicals are safe enough to be included in the ink.
Fluorescent, magnetic and particulate components are also possible.

The love letter is worthless, but the ink is $890
Who is going to profit from the chemical signature?
The banks will save money in graphoanalysts and forged checks. Validator entities will earn from the simple and profitable chemical analysis. Resellers of the ink kits, pen makers and gift shops will also have a bite.
It is not clear how will Notaries perform when the rules of their business get turned upside down. Some will join the innovation and take advantage of it, while others will see their business disappear. Scam artists will certainly spend thousands in chemistry courses and lab equipment.
The product can be segmented into several price ranges. The simplest custom ink with few components and little guaranty will cost about $5, while the ultra-secure variety with a golden pen will go over 800.
Beyond all the safety issues, there is a powerful reason for the Chemical Signature to succeed: the impulse of people to affirm their personality, to be fancy and original.

Go to the OwnInk project site for more details.

This is a false news. Please disbelieve.

2007-07-31T16:39:00.002-07:00

This article is published in False-news.com, then it is false.

As all news published in False-news.com, it intends to convey false news with some value: good idea, political stand, social criticism, wishful thinking.

We repeat: disbelieve what this article says. It is false news. Of course, if this is false, this is not a False-News. Then, it is as true as this 4 dollar bill:

False News publishes false news, but not only false news, but also:

- real news that look false, because of being weird, offbeat or unusual

- my views reversed and exagerated to form a false-news. A form of 'Reductio ad absurdum'

- possible news that call attention to some fact I deem important

- my wishful thinking converted into a false news

- inventions deserving to be real, because they can change our lives and need support

We have reported:

- inventions
- criticism of war and terror
- proposals for technology and better living
- requests for wothwhile causes

False-News.com is a Viral Marketing media, because News fly, no matter if they are true or false.

We are using is as part of our strategy to be quoted and obtain incoming links from all related sites in the Web. Incoming links are good for search engine ranking.

Besides False News, we also create and distribute software or scripts that users can use for amplification of their concepts or products.

False-news is not contradictory or paradoxal, thus, it is straigthforward, except for its essence, then it is authentically false, or it is not.

I hope you have it more clear now.

Transparent Clothes: The only Prevention against suicidal bombers

2007-07-31T16:39:00.001-07:00

The only prevention against suicidal bombers who carry explosives hidden in their clothes are transparent clothes. In that way, every one will be able to spot a suspicious package.
As a consequence, people will become more conscious about their fitness and will exercise more and eat less. Clothes designers will start working with plastic materials, which are easy to clean and do not need washer machines, detergent and other chemicals. Just a damp cloth rub once in a while.

Supposedly, the attraction of the female body is partly due to suggestive clothes. When private parts are no longer private, the charm disappears. We shall see...

Someone suggested that total nudity is also a solution. Not indeed. Clothes are necessary for decency, clean aspect, thermal protection and mostly: for pockets. Brands are also a commodity that clothes manufacturers will not relinquish: "I am ugly but I wear Gucci transparent pants".

Transparent cars are more of a challenge, because most of them are currently iron and aluminium. However, plastics are very advanced, and there should be a solution for this problem. Except the engine, most other parts could be made of transparent plastic. Car bombs, a current threat in many countries from Irak to Israel, will be more difficult to make.

Bullet-proof glass already exists, and it comes with some cars used by government officers and celebrities. So, creating whole doors out of glass should not be so difficult. The same goes for the roof, engine cover and other parts. The cars will be quite transparent, and hiding bombs will be more difficult, without serious impairment in functionality and price. They will be probably a little slower, because of the extra weight, but that is not much of a problem in most cities, where the car bomb risk is higher.

Transparent houses are also possible. Glass, plastic and air curtains can make them. Privacy will be a thing of the past, but who cares. In a city with several millions, like mine, spending time watching the neighbours is quite stupid. Illegal activities will be limited, because every passer-by will be a potential witness. Not only bomb making, but kidnapping, arm and drug stockpiling, under-age sex and other offences will be limited by the transparent walls.

Transparency will bring a few problems, but is a small price to pay for bomb safety. And some businessmen are probably working now on its advantages: new products will be needed real soon, if one want to fly, travel to troubled places or avoid long delays in checking points.

The king is not naked. He just wears a transparent cape....

-------
Note: I am fiddling with the keyword density of my articles now, in order to make them SEO friendly and improve our SE rankings.

I am convinced that the Security Industry will grow enormously in the near future, in the wake of the growing political uneasyness. There will be room to sell spying devices, safety electronic, surveillance equipment and other hi-tech gadgets.
Also, my company is an offshore provider for IT services, and I can provide surveillance personnel to watch safety webcams abroad. Most safety cams need to be watched, and not necessarily by local people. We can do at very low wages here in South America.
I expect software to solve this problem in the not-so-near future, but there is still plenty of room for humans in this job. You need to immediately decide if a disruption means an assault or it means a cat jumping, children playing or just the wind.
Watch for offshore IT workmanship as a significant offer in this blog. Creativity is done by me, but most programming and web design is done by employees or local freelancers.

Viral Marketing Media

False-news is now being branded as a viral marketing electronic media, offering space to advertisers.

We write and publish your False-News here, and also submit it Digg.com, article websites and social networking sites.

We obtain good rankings for your keywords after a couple of weeks.

Extreme Web Promotion Ideas

2007-07-31T16:37:00.002-07:00

You need to obtain a memorable URL, publish your contents and promote the address in your town, country or the entire world.

Ideas:

- get a tattoo in hour forehead
- carve your URL in your shoes sole, for track imprinting
- name your son as the main domain, like False-News Smith. Did you know that Paris Hilton is a promoter for the big hotel in France?
- change your lastname to your URL
- paint your URL in big letters in your car
- use your URL as name in forums, and publish controversial statements. I do it as DomainGrower and others.
- get naked in a busy street corner, and promote the URL painted in your skin. If you are old and wrinkled, hire a young, ambitious model.

- rubber stamp your URL in the public ad spaces in your city. Choose a good spot, like the cheek of a model.
- choose a calling logo
- create strange images, like an invented animal of a paste-up of two popular faces

- write a book with the URL as a name. Find a clever subtitle to explain what is the book about. If you cannot write a book, buy the manuscript from some starving artist or ghost writer like me.
- invent a game
- get a weird pet. If you can get a Komodo Dragon, fine. Otherwise a cat will have to do. Name it as your URL. Lose it. Ask in every Lost and Found forum for your lost pet. Some TV shows also have a free space for that. Provide your email in the form: Desperate@false-news.com or whatever your URL is.
- write a book with the URL as a name. Find a clever subtitle to explain what is the book about. If you cannot write a book, buy the manuscript from some starving artist or ghost writer like me.

Vaginal Odometer Invented: How many miles has this organ been travelled

2007-07-31T16:37:00.001-07:00

The False-News Agency announced the invention of the Vaginal Odometer, a device for those jealous husbands or boyfriends that want to protect their women's chastity.

The device is very small, under 0.1 inch diameter, and it is injected subcutaneously in the female pubis skin. It has a pressure sensor, activated by rhythmic pressure of the pubis against any firm object. The count is kept in a microchip powered by a small battery which lasts 2 years. Radio waves emitted by the chip write to a digital master counter and tell the number of times the device detected sexual-like activity. It keeps track of time, duration and intensity.

There is a master counter that detects the radio frequency emitted by the odometer. It must be located very close to the odometer and it has an USB plug that can be attached to any PC. The data are in Excel format and password.-protected.

The Vaginal Odometer comes in 3 versions: Light, with 128 mb of memory; Medium, with 256 mb and Hard, with 2 giga.

Sexual activity is measured in miles, as in motor vehicles. The average married couple produces 10 pushes per encounter. Each push equals 6 inches, more (hopefully) or less. Thus, in a year with one weekly encounter, the odometer will record 0.1 mile. The inventor said that 128 mb of memory will be more than enough for this distance.

However, boyfriends and lovers travel much longer, about 2 miles per year. The Medium and Hard models are strongly recommended here.

Horse-back riding is the only known activity that could trigger the odometer in a sexual-like manner.

Several Arab countries are interested in licensing the device.

Feminist groups are already trying to figure out how to cheat the device, and trying to adapt it for male use.

Not all women are enemies of the Odometer. A few early adopters are working towards an entry in the Guinness Book of Records.

The vaginal odometer still does not have the ability to identify the person responsible for the pubic pressure. The inventors are currently working on that.

The Dirty-Cheap Personal Mine Detector

2007-07-31T16:35:00.002-07:00

The US military is using robotic mine detectors in Iraq and Afganistan, but the cost is really high: $20,000 each, and they need a lot of them.

Making an effort to those poor countries that still have land mines, we deviced a simple detector that can be pushed by a person or an animal.

Soldiers on foot were used as guinea pigs to explore mined fields since the American Civil War. Now there is a better solution for under $40. The handles can be enlarged by any long piece of wood, such as broom handles.

We can provide cheap solutions for big problems, preferently website promotion, rather than mine detection.

Ecologic Vehicle runs on grain

2007-07-31T16:35:00.001-07:00

President Bush insists on renewable fuel derived from crops, and signed agreements with Pres. Lula of Brazil and others.
Fidel Castro recently criticized Bush, saying that the proposal is impossible to achieve, and it will cost more money to fill the car with ecologic fuel than 10 poor persons eating out in a fancy restaurant.
I would say Castro is right. Food is expensive, no matter what. The only solution would be to extract energy from cellulose, which is the useless vegetation that most animals reject. Even the bacteria that convert greens into methane gas (methanobacteria) are picky with wood and thorny branches and leaves.
My preferred aproach would be to grow termites. Termites digest useless vegetation and can produce fuel by fermentation and passage thru chicken, worms or other animals. However, there is still some research to do.
In the meantime, I will starting to use a vehicle with gives 100 miles on 5 dollars of food. It speeds from 0 to 80 km per hour in a few seconds, produces no carbon monoxide and fixes itself when broken.
It has four legs instead of wheels.

Assassinations for $2000 publicly announced

2007-07-31T16:31:00.000-07:00

Have gun, will travel everywhere...

Reading free classified ads I found a disturbing announcement for Inexpensive Hit Men. The add links to a free hosting service in Spain, where the hosted page details the offer in great detail. Free email accounts are provided for contact, and the publishers promise "we end with your enemies" and "we provide you the peace that you long for" .

The website is in Spanish, and it offers "testimonials from satisfied clients in South America". I am within reach, so I am cautious about my writings.

The website alone does not mention killings, but the ads do.

I wrote to the webmaster of the hosting service, but I did not get an answer. Thus, I am writing this posting to see how the online community reacts to it.

I erased the contact data from the reproduced pages, but they are available for law enforcement officers.

I wonder where lies the responsibility of webmasters and search engines for a posting like this. The combined effect of a website, free ads and indexation creates a potential deadly business.

As a webmaster, I often need time to clean spam from comments or forum postings. But I do not police all of them, and I risk hosting dangerous ads like this.

Is a Web Police the solution? A WebPolice website? A complaint to search engines? Please comment.

Unlike other postings in False-News.com, this is a false false news, so it is real.

The clue to immortality: Brooke Greenberg's Syndrome X

2007-01-24T10:17:00.000-08:00

Brooke Greenberg is a Baltimore girl born 13 years ago, but with the looks of a 6-month old baby.

Full story

Nobody knew of a similar case before. Genetic diseases sometimes are strange, but usually there are some cases in the medical literature that give some clue. This is not the case, and so far Syndrome X means that nothing is known about this case.

Reportedly all the biochemical and genetic tests have been normal for a 6-month old baby. There was no response to the administration of Growth Hormone.

This case demonstrates for the first time that there is one factor (gene) responsible for Child Development: growth and maturation of cells, tissues and organs. No one had ever envisioned the existance of such a gene. It was believed that there were multiple independent processes that regulated this.

Let me say that I am a Medicine PhD with research background and some genetic knowledge, which allows me to have a little speculation, although I am not the ideal specialist to conduct treatments or run the proper research studies.

This is most likely a genetic disease. The problem could lie in her mother, which, judging from the video, has a few asymmetric features in her face. She probably carries a single copy of the defective gene for this disease. The father looks normal, but he also might carry of copy of the defective gene. In the case of Brooke, but not in her 3 siblings, the sperm and the ovulus carried the defective genes, and the result was the full expression of this gene in the resulting baby.

There is also the possibility that the mutation (damage to a normal gene) took place during gametogenesis or early embryo development.

The mechanism so far is well known to Genetics specialists. However, we do not know which gene is affected, which is the protein coded by this defective gene, and how this protein regulates growth and development of a child.

How to identify this protein? This is a problem of tremendous importance, because it can be the clue of Aging and Anti-Aging.

If I was Brooke’s doctor, I would try a simple treatment: blood transfusions. After applying a weekly transfusion for a month or two, we could see if there was any growth. In this case, we both solved the girl’s problem and opened the way to identifying the missing protein.

Blood can be fractioned (plasma and cells) to see where the growing compound is. Fractioning can continue until we establish the size of the protein, which is the first step in the identification.

I would also try in vitro culture of Brooke blood cells and other biopsied tissues, to see if they behave as normal cells. Maybe they do not grow so well, and this behavior can be corrected adding human serum or serum fractions. It will also be interesting to see if she heals well the skin wounds.

Assuming we identified the gene that regulates Growth, we could try to block it. Anti-sense mRNA can be inserted in cells by carrier viruses, and block the normal gene. Also, many genes have regulators, that can be targeted by specially-designed molecules. Down-regulating the Growth gene could be useful to stop Ageing.

If any person at age 40 started the anti-ageing treatment, we might reach almost-immortality.

In any case, Brooke might carry the answer to many questions that scientists have had since the first man discovered the first gray hair in his temple.

Plastic surgeons now offer to redesign fingerprints

2007-01-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

Plastic Surgery is now the fastest-growing medical field. Beauty is the main, but not the only public demand.

Rich criminals are used to undergo facial plastic surgery to change their faces. Doctors are also busy with celebrity-imitation faces, skin-color change, hair transplant, tatoo removals, piercings, split-tongues and a few other aggressive surgeries.

Now, the False News Agency invented the Redesigned Fingerprint Surgery. Is is very simple: the surgeon cuts slices of skin in your fingertips, mixes them around, and grafts them back in the fingers. The result is a natural-looking, scrambled fingerprint that police cannot track back to your criminal records.

It is also possible to erase or modify digital marks with laser.

Notorious gangster John Dillinger had his fingerprints removed with acid, but they grew back. That will not happen now. The new method comes with a 0% failure rate (so far) and a money-back guarranty.

Contrary to the expectations, law-evading patient candidates are minority. Many fashion-oriented youngsters demand hearts, initials and logos carved in their fingers by laser. The surgeon works looking at a mirror, because the stamp-like carvings must be negative for prints to be positive.

Some web marketers demanded their website addresses in their fingers, but that is not currently possible. Fingers have not enough room for anything longer than auch.com.

Instead, feet can be used. If your shoe size is 9, you can easily fit False-News.com. If you play in the NBA and wear 11s, you can fit Geocities.com/Something.

Just imagine the beach in summer, covered by WWW marks. Some marketers event pretend that is a cheap form of viral marketing, and demand surgery plus paid beach-side vacations.

We can provide ideas that are not necessarily better, but certainly cheaper and not surgical. Ask for a free Viral Marketing proposal.